Before Sunset

Caught a matinee to Richard Linklater's Before Sunset today, the sequal to Before Sunrise (1995). It captured some sentiments lingering from my travels. I found it to be one of the best films I've seen this year.

When you are in your early 20's, you may have met someone you really connected with, but was unable to spend much time with. At that age, you are so full of hope - and perhaps think there will be plenty others to come. In your 30's, you realize that's not the case and you look back on that fateful moment when you shared a brief span of with someone you simply can't forget.

The most powerful moments in the film were the scenes in the boat and in the cab, when Jesse and Celine begin confiding in the relative dissapointments and regrets of their romantic lives. Nine years of longing, regret and missed opportunities bottled and now breaking to the surface. Behind them, the light changes across Paris as the sun sets and you know the inevitable moment will come when they may have to say goodbye once again.

Le jeux sont faits

Back in highschool, I read a book by Jean-Paul Sartre in French class. The title roughly translates into "The game is up" or "The chips are down". The story goes something like this:

A worker, Pierre, goes to the house of a rich woman, Eve, and does some repairs. They don't speak or know each other. Not long thereafter, Pierre dies from an unrelated accident and the Eve is poisoned by her unfaithful husband. They meet in the afterlife - where the dead have no form and can see the living but are invisible to them. The afterlife is run like a huge bureaucracy.

Pierre and Eve meet in the afterlife and become soulmates. But they cannot consummate their love because they are dead. They appeal to the head bureaucrat of the afterlife - who gives them a deal: we'll send you back to your former lives in the world of the living - if in 24 hours, you can find each other and establish a love, you are free to remain and live out your lives.

The couple is sent back to the world of the living. Inevitably, they fail to find each other, caught up in the web of their former lives. They return to the world of the dead, condemned to remain there forever.

When I was in highschool, I saw the logic of the story in the rigidity and barriers of the social structure, where cliques and social classes often kept people who, in any other circumstance, were potential soulmates. The geek and the cheerleader perhaps would have been soulmates - but they'd never know.

I've been thinking about this story lately as it pertains to travel. A few times in our lives, with some planning and courage, we manage to break free of the grind and do something that recaptures what it means to be alive.

Its a scary, unimaginable thing to just pack up and go for many - but what awaits them is life, pulsing in all its freedom and existential splendor. The people they encounter are those who they would never meet in their former lives - where they are constrained at home by habit, tradition, socio-economic, and perhaps cultural factors.

No matter what situation you have in your life, you always have a choice to be happy and to fully embrace freedom. How we choose to spend our life here is completely up to us.

Misread

"...How come no-one told me
All throughout history
The loneliest people
Were the ones who always spoke the truth
The ones who made a difference
By withstanding the indifference
I guess it's up to me now
Should I take that risk or just smile?"

(lyrics from Kings of Convenience's song, "Misread", from their latest album, on rotation today in my mp3 player)

Anyways, I'm still sleepless and recovering from the post travel blues. Today I went down to vote early in San Fran's city hall. I'd never been inside - the marble and imposing neo-classical architecture is stunning. The election station in the basement was remarkably well run by friendly staff. According to a staffer that I talked to, morale has been good - post Willie Brown, the last mayor who rankled many with his legions of cronies. They spoke with affection for the outgoing Board of Supervisor Prez, Gonzalez (who I voted for in the last Mayor's race).

People seem to like the new mayor Gavin Newsom, who won notoriety across America for marrying gay couples in city hall. Where else do you have a straight, catholic white male mayor (with a lawyer wife who used to pose as a lingerie model) stick his neck up for gay people? San Francisco of course.

I walked around the building and stumbled upstairs to an inaugural ceremony in progress for 4 city commissioners. I was out of place with my tee shirt, jeans and backpack - and feared that I would be asked to leave or something. Everyone else was dressed in suits - but the atmosphere was open and warm. The mayor came out, hair slicked back, looking dapper and in his gruff voice, lead each commissioner in the oath statement. Right behind the ceremony area was the door to the Mayor's office, as if anyone with a grievance could walk right in.

I left feeling good about this city.

Blue Desert

Watched the film "Japanese Story" on DVD today with Michelle, a sympathetic friend who had spent 8 months travelling around the world last year.

Here's the synopsis.

The film, to me, is about how people can fall in love and open their heart to others (who are so different) when removed from the constraints of culture and in the open expanse of nature.

Being back in San Francisco, I'm reminded of the games people play and the complex motivations and considerations surrounding meeting others. Travelling far away from home, you get used to opening your heart and trusting your instincts.

I guess I have some readjusting to do.

Jetlagged in SF

Back in San Francisco and arrived on a downcast day - coldest its been here all year. The city is still familiar - as if I haven't been gone all that long. Its been almost six months.

I feel really sad. Homesick is the best way to describe it, but for Asia. I feel disconnected from everything here. Friends and strangers don't understand you and are living out the very lives they lived when I left, as if in a time capsule. Its true, its always worse the first few days when you get back to where you came from - the sadness sometimes doesn't fade for months. And the longer you've been away, the longer it takes. I'm also sad because my father is getting older in Taiwan and I can't be closer to him, for now.

Walked around the Mission today and caught up with some old friends yesterday. Everyone and everything's the same - those who are single are still lamenting how hard it is to meet the right people and property prices in the city are rising from already ridiculous prices to even more ludicrous prices ($700K for a 2 bedroom!?).

Sleep has not been easy. I'm couchsurfing and last night I kept sneezing from my friend's cat. I laid awake trying to also fight back anxiety over what to do next. The repercussions of each choice gets heavier as one gets older. I'm now almost 31, and the choices I make now seems to weigh significantly upon the choices I will have in 5 or 10 years.

I'm mulling a job offer back in Hanoi. Vietnam sounds sweet - but I worry that if I end up settling there it will be all that much harder to get back. There are stories of long term expats who are stuck in foreign countries, forever unable to readapt at home. But San Francisco right now feels like an old movie I've watch too many times.

Hsinchu, Taiwan

I've been vegging hard - eating, sleeping, watching the presidential debates as well as the bundle of DVD's I'd bought in Hanoi for $1 a piece (shhh). I'm staying at my father's place in a small town in the countryside of Taiwan. I'd lived here for 3 years when I was around the formulative age of 4 - when my parents moved back here from the U.S. before they'd split up.

The other day, I biked along a winding road outside of town. When I was 5 or so, I'd taken this road with a friend as far as we'd dared to the next town. The next town seemed as far away as another planet back then. Today, it is a 7 kilometer ride along green mountains, a rocky river, a tunnel and rice fields. Not much has changed in all these years and you can still see farmers planting and working on their land.

I visited my uncle and mother (who happened to also be visiting Taiwan) at my grandparents old house in Hsinchu yesterday - which is a city about 30 minutes outside of my father's town. The city has changed so much - I walked along a newly built riverside commericial district with cafes, restaurants, shops and huge department stores looming overhead. Bands were performing at night to cheering groups of kids in public squares. Couples were having quiet conversations on benches along the river. Much of it could pass for parts of Tokyo with its modern architecture and girls wearing funky knee high socks and boys with the latest hair styles.

Saw an interesting quote from a friend's blog:

"When traveling there are 2 paths...
one of nostalgia for home
and one for the adventure which lies ahead"

2046

I caught Wong Kar Wei's new film, 2046, today at the Warner Village theater in Hsinchu, Taiwan, with my father. The film just opened in Asia this weekend, and is not due to hit theaters in the U.S. until next year. These days, directors from Sophia Coppola to Scorcese have acknowledged his influence in their work.

The film is flawed but still very much vintage Wong Kar Wei, from the gorgeous "every shot as a painting" Chris Doyle cinematography, the poignant voice overs, the plot in service of mood. The first 3rd of the film felt overly fragmented and at times, I thought my favorite director was losing his edge. The film then began to coelesce, cohere into a singular mood piece, somekind of paean to impossible and fleeting love. The sci-fi parts didn't work for me but the 1960's Hong Kong parts, largely a continuation of "In the Mood For Love", were affecting and often, I felt like I was watching someone else's dream. The film stars many of Chinese cinema's current lumineries including Tony Leung Cheu Wai, Gong Li, Zhang Zhiyi, and Faye Wong (who got her screen debut in Wong's Chungking Express).

The film was a salve for my travel weary heart, grown melancholy of late with the passage of people and places.

S.E. Asia Reading List

Here are some good books I read while travelling which are related to the region. Depending one how one feels about such things, they can be bought for $2-3 in pirated form (locally photocopied, w/ sleeves faithfully duplicated). Listed by country:

Vietnam:

Sorrow of War - Bao Ninh
One of the few books on the war from the Vietnam perspective available in English. A gripping novel loosely based on the author's experiences as a young soldier who survived multiple campaigns on the North Vietnamese side and lived to write about it. Particularly interesting is a fleeting portrait of old Hanoi, before the communists had taken over, as a place where free spirits still had a place. Ninh's voice is deeply human and brings home the truth that war destroys all, including the victors. Should be required reading in American classrooms.

The Quiet American - Graham Greene
Novel recently made into a Hollywoor movie about Vietnam during the French colonial occupation. Although largely a white man's fantasy (with the docile Vietnamese plaything thrown in), it is entertaining and includes prescient insight into american foreign policy in the region as a deadly mix of naiviete, incompetence and arrogance.

Shadows and Wind - Robert Templer
A profile of contemporary Vietnam, including detailed inner workings of party politics and the recent economic "doi moi" progress. Highly critical of various government officials. I'm surprised this was freely available to tourists on the streets of Hanoi.

If I Die in a Combat Zone - Tim O'Brien
Good companion piece to Bao Ninh's work, from the American perspective. A memoir of a college student who is drafted and sent to fight in the jungles of Vietnam. Particularly insightful are the depiction of sado-masochistic military training and references to Greek philosophy on the definition of courage. Too often, "courage" is an empty word thrown around by politicians and shallow patriots. In the classic greek concept, wisdom and moderation are also key ingredients in courage.

In Retrospect - Robert McNamara
Definitive analysis by the ultimate inside man who served as Secretary of Defense under Kennedy and Johnson during the Vietnam war. Reads like a national nightmare - all the more so because the Bush administration is repeating almost every mistake in Iraq these guys made in Vietnam.


Cambodia:

The Gate - Francois Bizot
Memoir by perhaps the only european survivor of Pol Pot's regime. The author was imprisoned, tortured, interrogated by the Khmer Rouge, released just before the fall of Phnom Penh. During the fall of the city, he had to frantically coordinate the evacuation of the remaining international community in the capital. This book kept me up half the night as it was impossible to put down.

Off the Rails in Phnom Penh Into the Dark Heart of Guns, Girls, and Ganja - Amit Gilboa
Highly entertaining and disturbing travelogue about expat life in Phnom Penh in the late 1990's. The expats Gilboa chronicles lead a dissolute life of brothels, heroin, guns. Also includes excellent accounts of the political transition, mafioso maneuverings of Cambodia's current leader, Hun Sen and the failures/excesses of the U.N. presence.

Voices from S-21 - David Chandler
Detailed analysis and account of Pol Pot's secret interogation, prison and processing center for the killing fields. Chandler is a professor of S.E. Asian studies and this book is on the academic side. Interesting are the links he draws between Pol Pot's policies and Chinese Communists' own dark cultural revolution as well as analyses from a wide range of disciplines, including Marxist ideology, psychology, contemporary behavioral research, and Cambodia's ancient history. If there was a hell on earth, S-21 has to be one of them.

A History of Cambodia - David Chandler
An academic treatment of Cambodia's history, from the glorious Angkor period to the recent U.N. monitored elections.

Laos:

Another Quiet American - Brett Dakin
An excellent account of life as an expat in Vientiane, Laos. Dakin spent 2 years there as a consultant to the state tourism ministry - and he covers a wide range of issues and characters that he came across. The book is fresh enough that many of the people and places Dakin illustrates still inhabit Vientiane today. One of those books that manages a good balance between the factual and personal.

Regional:

Sex Slaves - Louise Brown
Sobering multi-pronged analysis of the sex trade in South and South East Asia. Brown courageously tackles many difficult issues surrounding the trafficking of women today in the region. The material she unearths is so disturbing that, understandably, she often let's her emotions get in the way of her objectivity.

Travel:

Lonely Planet Unpacked - Lonely Planet
Entertaining collection of real life disaster stories by people working for the ubiquitous independent travel guide.

The Alchemist - Paul Koelho
Perhaps you're feeling a little lost in your travels or perhaps you are travelling in search of something spiritual. This book provides some inspiration on the importance of following one's dreams.

Back in Hanoi

In the late 1980's, Hanoi was one of the most closed and secretive of cities in the world. Travel there entailed difficult-to-obtain official permission, ever present minders/surveillance, and often rough detention and deportation if you fell out of favor with the local authorities.

Today, Hanoi is on its way to reclaim a part of its former glory as the "Paris of Indochina". It is a dense city population-wise, bustling with renewed economic activity. Feels smaller and more provincial than Saigon (with its wider boulevards) and parts of the city can be a maddening maze of people and motorbikes. It is historically, the cultural and political heart of Vietnam. A friendly smile from a stranger is harder to elicit here as people are more conservative and perhaps are still coming to grips with what to make of the influx of foreign tourists (aside from regarding them as walking ATMs).

I lived for 3 months in this city from May to July for my volunteer project - and came to like it for all its charms and imperfections. This is where I find myself again after all my travels, as a point of departure from the region. This week, the city was hosting the Asian Europe Summit. Sidewalks were rebuilt, new street lamps were installed, and motorcades could be seen doing trial runs, horns blazing, through the impossibly thick traffic. It is a sad fact that this regime doesn't seem to put money into improving the infrastructure of the city until a few foreign dignitaries are slated to arrive.

It's nice to see old friends and familiar faces again (after after all the unfamiliar faces and fleeting friendships of the backpacker's life). I hung out at an old office where my project counterpart used to work and access the internet with our Vietnamese friends. Another night, we hung out with an assortment of european expats working at various NGO and UN projects. I practiced spanish with a woman from the north of Spain (and got slapped for playfully calling her "una chica caliente"). We ended the evening at some "Bia Hoi's" (beer cafes) in the old quarter - where one drinks local draught beer sitting on cheap plastic stools on the sidewalk, watching the street life go by.