gliderlogs

Basquiat

2005-03-27T21:20:00.000-08:00

On a grey saturday afternoon, on my way to a friend's dinner party, I saw the retrospective on Basquiat at the Brooklyn Museum. An apt quote on the artist, who's been compared to Icarus in his meteoric rise and fall:

"I believe that, as an expression of a time that is tragic like no other in the history of the world, he consciously aimed his flight in the opposite direction, toward the infernos that are unexplored even by the outcasts of humanity who live out their brief earthly existence in the sinister roar of the subway, no longer on the road, but underground, irresistibly attracted by the disturbing profundity of the abyss."

-Robert Damiani, (Deputy Mayor and Councilor for Cultural Affairs, New York

uprising day

2005-03-12T07:55:00.000-08:00

I keep running into Tibetan people this week. First at a sandwhich shop - where the manager egged me on to get the veggie pattie sandwhich, between animated, chit-chat in Tibetan with his workers. Apparently there's a sizeable exiled community in Queens.

The other day I was on the way back to work from grabbing lunch. Stopping at the light on 42nd street and Madison, I saw in front of me a stream of people, extending down the street as far as I can see, chanting as they crossed.

They were Tibetans, on their way to the U.N. There was a determined, steadfast anger to their energy, I asked one lady what the significance of the day was and she said they were marching to commemorate the March 10 uprising of 1959 against the invasion by the Chinese.

I thought about how much the Tibetan situation has largely fallen from public view and media coverage. The human rights situation has gotten worse, bringing to question the theory that trade and economic liberalization will bring political liberalization in China and greater respect for human rights. Another thing that struck me was that the Tibetans were marching alone - I didn't see any other colors in the sea of asian faces.

This is from the site: http://www.freetibet.org/

"On 10 March 1959 Tibetan people in Lhasa rose up against China's occupation of Tibet and as a result tens of thousands of innocent Tibetan men, women and children were killed by the occupying Chinese forces. Since then Tibetans have waged a non-violent campaign for freedom from occupation. Don't let the world forget the 46th anniversary of the Tibetan National Uprising."

Interconnection

2005-02-12T23:25:00.000-08:00

Call it what you want, the mind of God, or in the Buddhist tradition, a shared field of consciousness between all living beings. Time flows forward as well as backwards.

Read this amazing article (it gave me goosebumps):

http://www.rednova.com/news/display/?id=126649#121

Renditions

2005-02-09T19:50:00.000-08:00

One of the worst episodes of genocide in modern history happened under the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia (1975-1979). Tens of thousands of innocent people were "processed" (ie: tortured in indescribable ways, forced to write "confessions", then executed) in a secret facility dubbed S-21.

In essence, the logic was simply that if they caught simply a handful of spies amongst the masses, it was enough to justify the deaths of thousands of innocents in order to preserve the security of the Angkor (central organization), led by Pol Pot. All of this happened largely out of the eyes of the world, behind the curtains in one of the most brutal totalitarian regimes modern society has known.

A similiar sort of absolute "means justify the ends" logic is currently at work in Bush's "War on Terror". Read this article from the New Yorker, the magazine that recently broke the news on Abu Ghraib, as well as "a priori" pre-emptive planning for Iraq.

http://www.newyorker.com/fact/content/?050214fa_fact6

Ground Zero

2005-01-18T22:21:00.000-08:00

Started my first assignment today. The client was downtown in World Financial Center 2. This was also the coldest day this winter so far (12 degrees). I tried to sleep standing up on the E train from Queens after a fitful night of non-rest.

At the Chamber's street station, people streaming out of the subway stations converged with the PATH/NJ Transit commuters from across the river. At 8:50am, there was an intensity to this place that rivaled financial districts elsewhere.

There's one line I'll always remember from Henry David Thoreau's Walden: "The majority of men lead lives of quiet desperation". This desperation was papable in the air - there was no joy in this teaming mass grinding their way to another week of cold and stress. And I found myself amongst them.

And yet in the center of these masses like ants circumambulating, there was this gaping, unnatural, negative space. As I rose out of the stairs, out of the subway at the Chambers street station, I was unprepared for the sheer scale of ground zero.

Out of our client's office, the large windows opened into a panoramic view of the WTC complex - and for the first time, I had a primal, ineffable experience of the message Al Quaeda has chosen to bestow upon this epicenter of world financial power. Throughout the day, when we would query our client about this source code or that legacy system, we'd invariably hear things along the lines of, "we lost that during 911. They told us it was backed up but it wasn't".

After work, on the way back to the subway, an african man with an african accent asked me, as he literally stood before ground zero, where the twin towers were. I pointed behind him and said, "There. Its all gone now". For a brief moment, the agony that was very local to the people of this city transcended cultures and oceans and this man wore a hollow, almost inconsolable look before moving on to pace the perimeter.

NY, gets cold

2005-01-15T19:38:00.000-08:00

As I write right now, I'm listening to an album, to a song called "NY, gets cold" by a San Francisco band, For Stars. It brings back memories of my old life in northern california. You could say that in this New York winter, I'm California dreaming.

I went to a concert last night, an old friend who moved out here from San Francisco 2 years ago was performing. His band was called Bula Matari, which means "Breaker of Stones" in some african language. The E train line was cut midtown, I ended up running 30 minutes late and had a to take a cab for the last leg. My cab driver was from Sudan. Unsure what side he was on, I asked him what he thought about what was happening in Darfur. It turns out he was from there and his wife and children were still there. Friends, family, neighbors were suffering unfathomably there, he said in a matter of fact manner. I mentioned the Janjaweed, the government sponsored militia that was responsible for much of the burning of villages, murder and rape of civilians. I wonder how he made it to New York City.

The band was good, all old school hardcore punk. There was one song, called "I hate people", that in a joyous punk way, was very cathartic. I enjoyed the show, though hardcore punk is not my natural genre of preference. I was the only person there to see the band and the ride home was a nightmare and it took me 2 hours. Interesting enough, there was a strip club downstairs from the bandstage where the music was performed.

Today, I played music another friend from my old band. Unlike trying to write electronic music on my own, which is usually tedious and a bit like pulling teeth, the tunes just rolled off our guitars and in an hour we had a rough basis for 2-3 songs. There's something to be said for sitting in a chair, wintery cold outside, and just responding to what someone else is playing.

I started a new job 2 weeks ago. I was feeling restless and needed a little structure to my life eventhough I wasn't sure how long I'd stay in this city (and still don't). People at the office are nice enough but I can sense how things will get stressful, having to adjust to dealing with clients (unlike in the past, where I was mostly focused on building a product). Its never fun to deal with clients.

As my luck would have it, just after I took the offer over Xmas, literally a few days after, I was offered an opportunity to go back to Vietnam to do another volunteer project. And just last week, my volunteer organization wanted to know if I'd be interested in going to Casablanca, Morocco for another project. If I had just waited a litttle longer - my life would be different today. I could always quit now but I guess there's something to be said for making a decision and following it through, but I wonder if in this case, its foolish obstinacy vs. the courage to seize an opportunity. I guess on the bright side, some income would be nice after being away for almost 6 months.

I miss Asia still - as if I left a good part of me there, and a shadow of my self is here now, riding the subways to and fro, a ghost in New York City.

Tsunami

2004-12-27T14:12:00.000-08:00

Everyone's probably seen the footage and heard the news about the earthquake and tsunami in the Indian Ocean /SE Asia region. Here's how one can help:

http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/national/AP-Quake-Aid.html

I guess one of the byproducts of travelling earlier this year is that the news becomes more intimate. These are people and places you've visited not too long ago, infact, had it occurred a mere 2 months earlier, I could have been there, amongst those devastated.

Some related blogs (haven't found stuff closer to the SE Asia side yet):
http://tsunamihelp.blogspot.com/
http://www.worldchanging.com/archives/001806.html

Best of 2004

2004-12-24T17:18:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays!

Films:
Eternation Sunshine of Your Spotless Mind
Motorcycle Diaries
The Dreamers
Before Sunset
2046
Hero
Fog of War

Albums:
Max Richter - The Blue Notebooks
Kings of Convenience - Riot On a Quiet Street
Ulrich Schnauss - A Strangely Isolated Place
Lali Puna - Faking the Books
n.ln - Astronomy for Children
Pan American - Quiet City
Zero 7 - When it Falls
Alburn Lull - Cast from the platform
Mus - Divina Lluz
Bebel Gilberto - Bebel Gilberto
Abida Parveen - Faiz by Abida

---
Sorry haven't been writing much... (just got a bad case of the flu). Thanks to everyone still reading this who made 2004 a memorable year.

December skies

2004-12-10T19:16:00.000-08:00

Its almost the end of the year. I've been staying in a lot - recovering from a cold and taking cover from the grey skies and rain here.

Watched "Motorcycle Diaries" today, which I really enjoyed. It made me think about some of the small transformations I underwent after travelling for a while. I wondered whether I should go back to work soon or pursue something new and impractical/idealistic altogether. It also made me realise how muted some of my idealism has become with age.

Wednesday, I hung out with Michael, with whom I worked with in Vietnam who is also back in the New York area. It also happened to be an anniversery for John Lennon's assasination. We stopped by the little memorial in Central Park near the Dakota apartment building. People were gathered around, singing Lennon and Beatles tunes. In the inner circle, a few people played bass, and strummed along on guitars. I saw what looked like older New Yorkers who were likely hippies during the 60's and 70's. New York needs more hippies. A policeman stood by to watch under a floodlight that was provided for the gathering. A Japanese newsman spoke into the glare of a camera for the fans back home.

Speaking of Vietnam, the first direct service from San Francisco to Saigon commenced this week. A part of me wished I was on that plane.

Map of the U.S.A.

2004-11-30T18:15:00.000-08:00

Speaks for itself...

Key (for map on right):
[Green] Free states and territories
[Brown] Territories open to slavery
[Red] Slave owning states

Hunting tragedy

2004-11-23T14:41:00.000-08:00

There were some sporadic news this week about a hunter in Winsconsin who shot 6 people. On the surface, it was another beserker we often get used to hearing about on American news. It turns out he may have been defending himself.

http://www.wkowtv.com/$spindb.!query.1listnews.storeview.13554.news

The hunter was a Hmong, a traditional tribal people that historically enhabit parts of Laos, Vietnam and southern China - and it made me think of the Hmongs I encountered while I was travelling in asia. They seemed down to earth, laid back people - many ended up in the U.S. as refugees. The U.S. government during the 1960's-70's has had a sad history of exploiting them during their wars in the region - many were trained to fight by the CIA as counter-communist insurgents but ended up being ruthlessly persecuted after the U.S. pullout. Some made it here as refugees.

http://www.jefflindsay.com/Hmong_tragedy.html

Music for travellers

2004-11-10T19:40:00.000-08:00

Saw an interesting quote in a magazine horoscope that went something like:

"One will never be free until there is freedom from the idea of freedom".

Perhaps it is saying something about true freedom as something born of responsibility and discipline.

Been seeing a retinue of old friends in the city as well as friends who moved here from San Francisco. My New York friends are doing well - all have become established in their careers, and getting things done the way New Yorkers know how.

My relocated San Franciscan friends are enjoying life here, some still getting their bearings, (and the neurotic energy of this city has begun to affect some). I took a long walk with my friend Erika, on Sunday night. She had just arrived after spending a few months to drive around the country. The weather was cool but not too cold. Surprisingly, the bars and restaurants were still lively at 10pm. The village and SOHO was just right, not too many people and just enough to not feel too empty.

Two of my ex-band mates from 10 years ago have just released an excellent electronica album: Lexica's "Lost and Left to Be Imagined". It was a surprise to see my name in the liner notes, one of my guitar parts was resurrected, resampled, remixed.

One of the my favorite things to do is now is to listen to music on my mp3 player while walking around the city or taking the subway. Its like a soundtrack to one's own private movie. So many characters everywhere.

I'm listening to Eno's "Music For Airports" right now - good comedown music for tonight.

Tragedy, Comedy, Beauty

2004-11-05T02:30:00.000-08:00

"Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think."

-Margaret Cho

Needless to say, the election results were a huge dissappointment. Its one thing for Americans to suffer this president, its another for the world to suffer. One of the things that I'll always remember from my travels in S.E. Asia was the trail of devastation that terrible American foreign policy left in the region (which many are still recovering from today). I'm afraid something of this order is happening again in Iraq.

Several of my friends who recently returned to the U.S. from travelling or working overseas are now restless to leave again. My sense of alienation from the other half of this country is tremendous. I personally don't feel like I understand this country anymore. 51% of the vote is hardly a mandate, yet Bush is already intoning as if he has sufficient "capital" to push his agenda full on.

Tonight, I went with an old friend to see a show in Brooklyn by the mastermind guitarist, Robin Guthrie, of Cocteau Twins. Although it was just him sitting with his guitar before banks of effect consoles, his signature sublime sound enveloped the room, bringing back memories of better musical times. Its interesting to think that his sound, pioneered over 15 years ago (and partially spawning the personally inspiring dreampop/shoegaze movement), still is more beautiful and progressive than most of the stuff out today. For an hour or so tonight, I felt as if I was in the presence of angels, entranced into a state of heavenly bliss. The world was impossibly beautiful, if just for a little while.

Vote

2004-11-02T01:40:00.000-08:00

People, stop reading this and go vote.

Here are some things to remember about voting. Read carefully. Your vote could decide this election.

1. Find out today where your polling place is by calling your county clerk or checking http://www.mypollingplace.com/
2. Alternatively, call 1-866-MYVOTE1 to find your polling place.
3. Check the hours the polls are open with your city or county clerk.
4. Print the League of Women Voters' card in English or Spanish and put it in your wallet or purse.
5. Bring a government-issued picture ID like a driver's license or passport when you vote. Some states require it but if there are problems, you will certainly need it. If you have a cell phone, take it to call for help if need be.
6. As you enter the polls, note if there is an Election Protection person outside the polling place.
7. If you are not listed as a registered voter, try to register on the spot. Some states allow that.
Otherwise, talk to the Election Protection person if there is one or call 1-866-OUR-VOTE for instructions. If neither of these helps, ask for a provisional ballot, but you will need a picture ID to get one.

[from www.electoral-vote.com]

The world is counting on you.

New York

2004-11-01T15:48:00.000-08:00

I'm back in New York City. This is my birthplace, and also where I went to college. Not sure how long I'll stay but I'm enjoying it so far.

The other day, I was in Rego Park, Queens, getting some tacos. The place was run by a Chinese family, speaking in a fujian dialect and across the restaurant me sat two west africans conversing excitedly in their language when their food arrived. Russian can be heard up and down the sidewalk on the way to the subway, as the neighborhood is traditionally Russian orthodox jewish. Compared to San Francisco, this is a true melting pot, where each ingredient hasn't fully integrated into the stew yet.

It was Holloween this weekend and I met up with some old friends from SF who moved out here. We went to a party in Williamsburg and then in the village. We saw the parade. Then I took the late night subway ride home to Queens.

Its nice this time being back - not as full of mixed emotions like before. I guess I've changed and the city's changed. An old friend from college suggested that I've mellowed out in the last eight years since I've been gone, as if a certain passion/intensity has gone from me.

I think Mark Twain once remarked,

"Don't stay in New York too long, lest it makes you too hard. Don't stay in San Fracisco too long, lest it makes you too soft."

Before Sunset

2004-10-22T17:14:00.000-07:00

Caught a matinee to Richard Linklater's Before Sunset today, the sequal to Before Sunrise (1995). It captured some sentiments lingering from my travels. I found it to be one of the best films I've seen this year.

When you are in your early 20's, you may have met someone you really connected with, but was unable to spend much time with. At that age, you are so full of hope - and perhaps think there will be plenty others to come. In your 30's, you realize that's not the case and you look back on that fateful moment when you shared a brief span of with someone you simply can't forget.

The most powerful moments in the film were the scenes in the boat and in the cab, when Jesse and Celine begin confiding in the relative dissapointments and regrets of their romantic lives. Nine years of longing, regret and missed opportunities bottled and now breaking to the surface. Behind them, the light changes across Paris as the sun sets and you know the inevitable moment will come when they may have to say goodbye once again.

Le jeux sont faits

2004-10-20T22:17:00.000-07:00

Back in highschool, I read a book by Jean-Paul Sartre in French class. The title roughly translates into "The game is up" or "The chips are down". The story goes something like this:

A worker, Pierre, goes to the house of a rich woman, Eve, and does some repairs. They don't speak or know each other. Not long thereafter, Pierre dies from an unrelated accident and the Eve is poisoned by her unfaithful husband. They meet in the afterlife - where the dead have no form and can see the living but are invisible to them. The afterlife is run like a huge bureaucracy.

Pierre and Eve meet in the afterlife and become soulmates. But they cannot consummate their love because they are dead. They appeal to the head bureaucrat of the afterlife - who gives them a deal: we'll send you back to your former lives in the world of the living - if in 24 hours, you can find each other and establish a love, you are free to remain and live out your lives.

The couple is sent back to the world of the living. Inevitably, they fail to find each other, caught up in the web of their former lives. They return to the world of the dead, condemned to remain there forever.

When I was in highschool, I saw the logic of the story in the rigidity and barriers of the social structure, where cliques and social classes often kept people who, in any other circumstance, were potential soulmates. The geek and the cheerleader perhaps would have been soulmates - but they'd never know.

I've been thinking about this story lately as it pertains to travel. A few times in our lives, with some planning and courage, we manage to break free of the grind and do something that recaptures what it means to be alive.

Its a scary, unimaginable thing to just pack up and go for many - but what awaits them is life, pulsing in all its freedom and existential splendor. The people they encounter are those who they would never meet in their former lives - where they are constrained at home by habit, tradition, socio-economic, and perhaps cultural factors.

No matter what situation you have in your life, you always have a choice to be happy and to fully embrace freedom. How we choose to spend our life here is completely up to us.

Misread

2004-10-18T21:56:00.000-07:00

"...How come no-one told me
All throughout history
The loneliest people
Were the ones who always spoke the truth
The ones who made a difference
By withstanding the indifference
I guess it's up to me now
Should I take that risk or just smile?"

(lyrics from Kings of Convenience's song, "Misread", from their latest album, on rotation today in my mp3 player)

Anyways, I'm still sleepless and recovering from the post travel blues. Today I went down to vote early in San Fran's city hall. I'd never been inside - the marble and imposing neo-classical architecture is stunning. The election station in the basement was remarkably well run by friendly staff. According to a staffer that I talked to, morale has been good - post Willie Brown, the last mayor who rankled many with his legions of cronies. They spoke with affection for the outgoing Board of Supervisor Prez, Gonzalez (who I voted for in the last Mayor's race).

People seem to like the new mayor Gavin Newsom, who won notoriety across America for marrying gay couples in city hall. Where else do you have a straight, catholic white male mayor (with a lawyer wife who used to pose as a lingerie model) stick his neck up for gay people? San Francisco of course.

I walked around the building and stumbled upstairs to an inaugural ceremony in progress for 4 city commissioners. I was out of place with my tee shirt, jeans and backpack - and feared that I would be asked to leave or something. Everyone else was dressed in suits - but the atmosphere was open and warm. The mayor came out, hair slicked back, looking dapper and in his gruff voice, lead each commissioner in the oath statement. Right behind the ceremony area was the door to the Mayor's office, as if anyone with a grievance could walk right in.

I left feeling good about this city.

Blue Desert

2004-10-18T01:34:00.000-07:00

Watched the film "Japanese Story" on DVD today with Michelle, a sympathetic friend who had spent 8 months travelling around the world last year.

Here's the synopsis.

The film, to me, is about how people can fall in love and open their heart to others (who are so different) when removed from the constraints of culture and in the open expanse of nature.

Being back in San Francisco, I'm reminded of the games people play and the complex motivations and considerations surrounding meeting others. Travelling far away from home, you get used to opening your heart and trusting your instincts.

I guess I have some readjusting to do.

Jetlagged in SF

2004-10-16T20:52:00.000-07:00

Back in San Francisco and arrived on a downcast day - coldest its been here all year. The city is still familiar - as if I haven't been gone all that long. Its been almost six months.

I feel really sad. Homesick is the best way to describe it, but for Asia. I feel disconnected from everything here. Friends and strangers don't understand you and are living out the very lives they lived when I left, as if in a time capsule. Its true, its always worse the first few days when you get back to where you came from - the sadness sometimes doesn't fade for months. And the longer you've been away, the longer it takes. I'm also sad because my father is getting older in Taiwan and I can't be closer to him, for now.

Walked around the Mission today and caught up with some old friends yesterday. Everyone and everything's the same - those who are single are still lamenting how hard it is to meet the right people and property prices in the city are rising from already ridiculous prices to even more ludicrous prices ($700K for a 2 bedroom!?).

Sleep has not been easy. I'm couchsurfing and last night I kept sneezing from my friend's cat. I laid awake trying to also fight back anxiety over what to do next. The repercussions of each choice gets heavier as one gets older. I'm now almost 31, and the choices I make now seems to weigh significantly upon the choices I will have in 5 or 10 years.

I'm mulling a job offer back in Hanoi. Vietnam sounds sweet - but I worry that if I end up settling there it will be all that much harder to get back. There are stories of long term expats who are stuck in foreign countries, forever unable to readapt at home. But San Francisco right now feels like an old movie I've watch too many times.

Hsinchu, Taiwan

2004-10-09T23:19:00.000-07:00

I've been vegging hard - eating, sleeping, watching the presidential debates as well as the bundle of DVD's I'd bought in Hanoi for $1 a piece (shhh). I'm staying at my father's place in a small town in the countryside of Taiwan. I'd lived here for 3 years when I was around the formulative age of 4 - when my parents moved back here from the U.S. before they'd split up.

The other day, I biked along a winding road outside of town. When I was 5 or so, I'd taken this road with a friend as far as we'd dared to the next town. The next town seemed as far away as another planet back then. Today, it is a 7 kilometer ride along green mountains, a rocky river, a tunnel and rice fields. Not much has changed in all these years and you can still see farmers planting and working on their land.

I visited my uncle and mother (who happened to also be visiting Taiwan) at my grandparents old house in Hsinchu yesterday - which is a city about 30 minutes outside of my father's town. The city has changed so much - I walked along a newly built riverside commericial district with cafes, restaurants, shops and huge department stores looming overhead. Bands were performing at night to cheering groups of kids in public squares. Couples were having quiet conversations on benches along the river. Much of it could pass for parts of Tokyo with its modern architecture and girls wearing funky knee high socks and boys with the latest hair styles.

Saw an interesting quote from a friend's blog:

"When traveling there are 2 paths...
one of nostalgia for home
and one for the adventure which lies ahead"

2046

2004-10-03T23:16:00.000-07:00

I caught Wong Kar Wei's new film, 2046, today at the Warner Village theater in Hsinchu, Taiwan, with my father. The film just opened in Asia this weekend, and is not due to hit theaters in the U.S. until next year. These days, directors from Sophia Coppola to Scorcese have acknowledged his influence in their work.

The film is flawed but still very much vintage Wong Kar Wei, from the gorgeous "every shot as a painting" Chris Doyle cinematography, the poignant voice overs, the plot in service of mood. The first 3rd of the film felt overly fragmented and at times, I thought my favorite director was losing his edge. The film then began to coelesce, cohere into a singular mood piece, somekind of paean to impossible and fleeting love. The sci-fi parts didn't work for me but the 1960's Hong Kong parts, largely a continuation of "In the Mood For Love", were affecting and often, I felt like I was watching someone else's dream. The film stars many of Chinese cinema's current lumineries including Tony Leung Cheu Wai, Gong Li, Zhang Zhiyi, and Faye Wong (who got her screen debut in Wong's Chungking Express).

The film was a salve for my travel weary heart, grown melancholy of late with the passage of people and places.

S.E. Asia Reading List

2004-10-02T13:28:00.000-07:00

Here are some good books I read while travelling which are related to the region. Depending one how one feels about such things, they can be bought for $2-3 in pirated form (locally photocopied, w/ sleeves faithfully duplicated). Listed by country:

Vietnam:

Sorrow of War - Bao Ninh
One of the few books on the war from the Vietnam perspective available in English. A gripping novel loosely based on the author's experiences as a young soldier who survived multiple campaigns on the North Vietnamese side and lived to write about it. Particularly interesting is a fleeting portrait of old Hanoi, before the communists had taken over, as a place where free spirits still had a place. Ninh's voice is deeply human and brings home the truth that war destroys all, including the victors. Should be required reading in American classrooms.

The Quiet American - Graham Greene
Novel recently made into a Hollywoor movie about Vietnam during the French colonial occupation. Although largely a white man's fantasy (with the docile Vietnamese plaything thrown in), it is entertaining and includes prescient insight into american foreign policy in the region as a deadly mix of naiviete, incompetence and arrogance.

Shadows and Wind - Robert Templer
A profile of contemporary Vietnam, including detailed inner workings of party politics and the recent economic "doi moi" progress. Highly critical of various government officials. I'm surprised this was freely available to tourists on the streets of Hanoi.

If I Die in a Combat Zone - Tim O'Brien
Good companion piece to Bao Ninh's work, from the American perspective. A memoir of a college student who is drafted and sent to fight in the jungles of Vietnam. Particularly insightful are the depiction of sado-masochistic military training and references to Greek philosophy on the definition of courage. Too often, "courage" is an empty word thrown around by politicians and shallow patriots. In the classic greek concept, wisdom and moderation are also key ingredients in courage.

In Retrospect - Robert McNamara
Definitive analysis by the ultimate inside man who served as Secretary of Defense under Kennedy and Johnson during the Vietnam war. Reads like a national nightmare - all the more so because the Bush administration is repeating almost every mistake in Iraq these guys made in Vietnam.

Cambodia:

The Gate - Francois Bizot
Memoir by perhaps the only european survivor of Pol Pot's regime. The author was imprisoned, tortured, interrogated by the Khmer Rouge, released just before the fall of Phnom Penh. During the fall of the city, he had to frantically coordinate the evacuation of the remaining international community in the capital. This book kept me up half the night as it was impossible to put down.

Off the Rails in Phnom Penh Into the Dark Heart of Guns, Girls, and Ganja - Amit Gilboa
Highly entertaining and disturbing travelogue about expat life in Phnom Penh in the late 1990's. The expats Gilboa chronicles lead a dissolute life of brothels, heroin, guns. Also includes excellent accounts of the political transition, mafioso maneuverings of Cambodia's current leader, Hun Sen and the failures/excesses of the U.N. presence.

Voices from S-21 - David Chandler
Detailed analysis and account of Pol Pot's secret interogation, prison and processing center for the killing fields. Chandler is a professor of S.E. Asian studies and this book is on the academic side. Interesting are the links he draws between Pol Pot's policies and Chinese Communists' own dark cultural revolution as well as analyses from a wide range of disciplines, including Marxist ideology, psychology, contemporary behavioral research, and Cambodia's ancient history. If there was a hell on earth, S-21 has to be one of them.

A History of Cambodia - David Chandler
An academic treatment of Cambodia's history, from the glorious Angkor period to the recent U.N. monitored elections.

Laos:

Another Quiet American - Brett Dakin
An excellent account of life as an expat in Vientiane, Laos. Dakin spent 2 years there as a consultant to the state tourism ministry - and he covers a wide range of issues and characters that he came across. The book is fresh enough that many of the people and places Dakin illustrates still inhabit Vientiane today. One of those books that manages a good balance between the factual and personal.

Regional:

Sex Slaves - Louise Brown
Sobering multi-pronged analysis of the sex trade in South and South East Asia. Brown courageously tackles many difficult issues surrounding the trafficking of women today in the region. The material she unearths is so disturbing that, understandably, she often let's her emotions get in the way of her objectivity.

Travel:

Lonely Planet Unpacked - Lonely Planet
Entertaining collection of real life disaster stories by people working for the ubiquitous independent travel guide.

The Alchemist - Paul Koelho
Perhaps you're feeling a little lost in your travels or perhaps you are travelling in search of something spiritual. This book provides some inspiration on the importance of following one's dreams.

Back in Hanoi

2004-10-01T20:30:00.000-07:00

In the late 1980's, Hanoi was one of the most closed and secretive of cities in the world. Travel there entailed difficult-to-obtain official permission, ever present minders/surveillance, and often rough detention and deportation if you fell out of favor with the local authorities.

Today, Hanoi is on its way to reclaim a part of its former glory as the "Paris of Indochina". It is a dense city population-wise, bustling with renewed economic activity. Feels smaller and more provincial than Saigon (with its wider boulevards) and parts of the city can be a maddening maze of people and motorbikes. It is historically, the cultural and political heart of Vietnam. A friendly smile from a stranger is harder to elicit here as people are more conservative and perhaps are still coming to grips with what to make of the influx of foreign tourists (aside from regarding them as walking ATMs).

I lived for 3 months in this city from May to July for my volunteer project - and came to like it for all its charms and imperfections. This is where I find myself again after all my travels, as a point of departure from the region. This week, the city was hosting the Asian Europe Summit. Sidewalks were rebuilt, new street lamps were installed, and motorcades could be seen doing trial runs, horns blazing, through the impossibly thick traffic. It is a sad fact that this regime doesn't seem to put money into improving the infrastructure of the city until a few foreign dignitaries are slated to arrive.

It's nice to see old friends and familiar faces again (after after all the unfamiliar faces and fleeting friendships of the backpacker's life). I hung out at an old office where my project counterpart used to work and access the internet with our Vietnamese friends. Another night, we hung out with an assortment of european expats working at various NGO and UN projects. I practiced spanish with a woman from the north of Spain (and got slapped for playfully calling her "una chica caliente"). We ended the evening at some "Bia Hoi's" (beer cafes) in the old quarter - where one drinks local draught beer sitting on cheap plastic stools on the sidewalk, watching the street life go by.

Winding down

2004-09-28T13:25:00.000-07:00

I'm coming to the last few days of travel and am back in Saigon. Took a flight from Vientiane to Saigon with a short stopover in Phnom Penh - which had surprisingly posh airport terminals with good bookstores (uncensored newspaper selections), shops and cafes.

Bought a CD of classical Cambodian music - which I'd heard one evening on the riverfront near the Royal Palace in Phnom Penh. The music blew me away - it was like a combination of tabla-esque drumming with circular Balinese-like bell instruments (that enclosed the player) and complemented by a xylophone like instrument. The musicians would be given donations by people on the way to make their offerings at a temple.

Enjoyed the Saigon nightlife more this time around (perhaps because I didn't have to get up at 7am to catch a bus or tour). Something about Saigon reminds me of Taipei - my friend Ly and I had a late night snack of seafood noodles on a streetside stand. A lot of people were out, and the city still seemed to be humming with youthful energy. While Hanoi is more picturesque (with its french colonial remnants) perhaps, I've always seemed to connect with Saigonese more easily.

I went to the Ben tham market to a fave restaurant, Nam Giao. Its hard to find, since its tucked away from view inside a courtyard (accessible via an alley). The place serves amazing crab paste noodles and several rice paste dishes. A feast could be had for 2-3 dollars. One the way back, I hired a cyclo to my hotel. I've always had a soft spot for cyclo drivers. After the war, the North Vietnamese, in a show of vindictiveness (and perhaps taking a cue from their Communist Chinese counterparts) forbade many professionals (doctors, lawyers etc) from working in their trained fields - the only work they were allowed to do was to be a cyclo driver. This was likewise the fate of many who were sympathetic to the Americans or served in the South Vietnamese army. The cyclo is a like a rickshaw/bycycle combination - that requires an inordinate amount of skill and stamina to peddle through the chaotic traffic of Saigon. It is a real anachronism in this day of motorbike taxis and air-conditioned metered taxis.

My cyclo driver, who was glad to have my hard won business, noted that in his opinion, the real money was in Hanoi. Saigon only seems more modern because the rich from the north (who got their wealth from party connections and subsequent corruption) poured money in developing hotels, restaurants and shopping centers in Saigon. The man on the street, he noted with dark irony, were better off when the Americans were still here.

Today, I'm catching a flight back to Hanoi to pick up a few things and see old friends before flying to Taiwan friday for some family engagements. The mixed emotions that accompany the end of travels (for now) and uncertainty towards the future is barely containable.